I've got a stiff knee at the moment. It means that for the last couple of days I have used a walking stick on occasion. This is, quite clearly, ridiculous. As I mentioned earlier I don't think I'm a proper Grown Up yet, so I can't possibly have skipped straight to Old Man.

Can I?

It's probably because I'm not getting enough exercise. There were a few weeks in the summer when I was being quite well behaved and cycling to work every day. Then things like bus passes and the occasional bad weather day happened and now I find myself in the middle of a weekly saver which means I have to get the bus even if it is a nice day.

In addition if I weighed less my knee would have less stress on it so I could diet in more earnest I suppose. After all I don't have any difficulty not answering the phone any more; I should likewise be able to ignore at least some of the cold calls my stomach sends up to my brain.

Of course all this would be a lot easier if I was still young. Back then I had the energy to indulge in intensive exercise and was quite capable of forgetting about proper meals for days. So did I avail myself of this marvellous opportunity? Did I fuck. I didn't need to. I was full of beans and as skinny as a rake.

This is one of those examples of the universe getting things ass-over-tit. Or Entropy as I think it's called in scientific circles. Given the whole Earth thing, the way a huge random lump of rocks and chemicals managed in four and a half billion years to produce, amongst other things the Amazon rainforest, E.Coli, Leonardo da Vinci, termites, Twitter, the theory of imaginary numbers, iPhones and Terry Wogan (not to mention everything else there has ever been), entropy does sound as if it's on a bit of a hiding to nothing. It goes against the grain. Onwards and upwards.

But it's patient and it waits. It brings us all down one by one, a bad knee here, a wrinkle there. Oops there's a mistake in some DNA replication; might lead to cancer. Immune system gets a bit ropey. There go the eyes. What was that? Sorry, bit deaf. Oh look, a really complex system called a human brain. Whoops, not sure what I did there, it's starting to disintegrate. Oh dear, Alzheimers.

I think it's time we stood up to entropy. Time we did something about it. It is quite clearly built into the fundamental laws of the universe, but who's to say we can't change them? Let's put that Large Hadron Collider to work, I say.

Anything to avoid dieting or going to the gym.


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