Catmachine

Following the post I made at the end of last year which discussed my reaction to having been officially diagnosed as having Autism Spectrum Condition (a.k.a. the Syndrome Previously Known as Aspergers ), I've noticed that there are a few misconceptions that have made their way into received wisdom about how I must behave. These are not true for many reasons. For a start not everyone with ASC is going to behave in the same manner. Everyone is different no matter where they sit on the spectrum. It is perfectly possible to have ASC and be an introvert or an extrovert. Some people might exhibit certain symptoms whilst others don't. One of the most common preconceptions that people seem to have is that I will take everything they say literally. That if they use an idiom or colloquialism I will think they actually   mean that someone has (say) eyes bigger than their stomach. Well no, of course not. That would be silly. I have enough of a sense of the real world and what...

Some people take things way too seriously. This has never been more true than online. Modern social networks are the ideal arenas for making jokes, puns, plays on words or other frivolous observations - things intended to raise a smile but when it comes down to it fairly disposable and transient. However, when doing so there's nothing more disheartening than getting a response from someone who has taken it seriously.  Sometimes they even find it necessary to point out or explain the joke you've just made (taking credit for it themselves in the process almost as if you'd said it by accident). Sometimes they completely miss the point. On other occasions they respond by making the same joke you've just made, just less subtly. Why is this behaviour so prevalent in the electronic age? For a start it might not be.  I might only think it is. It's fair to say that I can be a bit of a recluse and that as a result I'm now meeting and interacting with  f...

If you will forgive this entry for being a little meta, it is always nice when someone comments on a blog entry. On the whole I mean this unreservedly. Whether positive or negative, having taken the time to write something underneath means that they've read it, a fact which is much more satisfying than endless hours spent poring over Google Analytics. Generally the comments fall into three camps. First are the Me Toos . These are people that generally agree with (or very occasionally feel enlightened by) the content of the entry so much so that they feel moved to express this, often citing incidents from their own experience which match or mirror those being discussed in the main entry. Then there are the No Buts . These people disagree with some or all of the points covered and furthermore have the facts the prove it - their experience is very different from that depicted in the blog, and they can say why. Finally there are the Nit Pickers . Their response is not as broad...

Friday November 12th, 2021 To the Managing Director of Mattoy Educational Dear Sir I am writing to complain about the Mattoy “My First DNA Sequencer Kit” I purchased for my daughter Blaze’s fifteenth birthday in October. From the widespread publicity and advertisements, I had been given to understand that the kit would “ turn my kid on to the intricacies of genetics with simple experiments such as extracting DNA from root vegetables and revealing DNA fingerprints on doorknobs, thus giving her a head start in one of today’s most exciting and challenging growth industries ”. However, upon opening the kit we discovered that not only did the electrophoresis chamber lack a power cord, but that the manual was missing. Temporarily transplanting the cord from her PlayStation Seven, Blaze was naturally eager to begin experimentation, even without a manual, and so downloaded what at the time I believed to be appropriate material in order to make a start whilst we waited for the replacement ...

What makes something funny? Why do we laugh? There are many theories about what constitutes humour, about what makes comedy. That's not quite what I'm trying to understand. I want to know what it's for . In general everything about us has a beneficial biological purpose (apart from the appendix which seems to exist merely to become inflamed, affording many of us our first experience of an operation in which general anaesthetic is used). Even our behaviour - some would say especially our behaviour - has evolved in response to a specific need, to give us the advantage over those not so blessed. So where's the advantage in finding things funny? I can't see it. Perhaps I'm looking at this the wrong way. Using an analogy might help. Why do we feel lust? Like feeling amused it's an irresistible emotion which can temporarily take over our mind so we can think of nothing else. Well that's an easy one. We feel lust in order to make us have sex. What's ...

Like Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything and Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time , the Church's The Bible attempts to answer the eternal questions of where we came from, where we're going and what we can expect to find when we get there. However, unlike Bryson and Hawking, the Church has made absolutely no effort to make their epic tome readable or even remotely plausible. Nevertheless, despite the impenetrable prose and frankly unlikely plot, The Bible is an international best seller, perhaps for some of the same reasons as Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code . Both use iconic religious imagery, and both use the modern penchant for conspiracy theory to add a little zest to the proceedings (although Dan Brown does it better) - one of the central themes of The Bible is that God created Heaven and Earth and then attempted to cover it up. An aspect of The Bible that lets the reader down is the wildly uneven style. The blood and thunder of the first...

I know a thin young policeman, he's always on our street A thin young, sallow pale-faced man, his clothes all black and neat He's too sad to be a policeman, he's never known to smile When everybody sees him they run a blessed mile *Sobbing* He weeps upon his duty, he cries upon his beat He scowls at everybody when he's walking in the street Is he mad or in a coma? Or is he back in time? Or is he trying to get back home by solving all the crime? *Sobbing*